You ever been to Tim Hortons (or for my american fans dunkin donuts) and the guy in front of you order a large coffee triple triple? Sometimes i feel like taping the guy on the shoulder and suggesting he get a drink that he actually likes instead of feeling the need to alter coffee so much it doesn't even resemble the intended taste.
Now i will admit that I do put a little cream in my coffee. I can even respect people that get a regular (for my american fans that's one cream one sugar...not black). But come on people...if you don't like coffee without 18 sugar packets in it...perhaps you need to check your life out.
I'll admit that most of us started drinking coffee because we wanted to look mature and older, not because it tasted good. I know I did. But I took it like a man, and choked it down black until i enjoyed the taste. But if you're one of those people that never learned to like coffee the way it was made, but insist on still trying to modify it so you can drink it and look cool...you'd better just stop. I'm not impressed.
If i was going on a coffee run and you were like "hey chuck grab me a double double" I would get you a regular. And you'd be like "hey...this isn't a double double" and i'd be like "oh yeah...i left the extra cream and sugar at the store...right beside where you forgot your manhood."
And don't give me this crap about "but chuck...i actually like it that way!" Because you can kiss this piece of smoked hamm... Either learn to drink coffee the right way...or don't drink it at all!
Monday, May 26, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
Get off the TV
Does anyone actually watch the kentuky derby? I mean it's supposed to be this huge event that only movie stars and superstar athelets can aford tickets to. Apparently it a big deal.
Now don't get me wrong i really don't mind to watch horse racing. It's fine. I think it would be fun to go down to the windsor track and bet on a few races with some buddies. (don't worry mom, i only gamble with monopoly money). But is it absolutly nessisary to have 4 hours of televised pre-race cerimonies? Is anyone watching at home actually awake by the time the race starts? I highly doubt it.
I didn't watch this weekends kentuky derby. But i did see highlights of the race...I think most people did. Big brown won. Who's big brown you ask...well he's a horse...same as the horse who got last place, except faster. You know the one... If you didn't see the highlights, here's why this kentuky derby holds more weight than most. A horse died...no not human, a horse. Everyone calm down...just a horse.
A horse...after crossing the finish line collapsed with two broken ankles. It had to be put down.
Now there is a huge uprising in the "animal rights community". Mainly PETA is getting a whole bunch of media attention, and saying horse racing is really cruel, and they shouldn't be allowed to whip the horses, and running on dirt is too dangerous... and that the sport should be banned altogether. ect ect.
Do you remember when Dale Earnhart died in a nascar race? I do...and although there was some media attention focused on "car racing is dangerous" and "need more safety" ect. No one wanted to ban racing. Now why is a horses life more important than a persons? Why is PETA constantly getting more media attention?
Fricken people eh?
Now don't get me wrong i really don't mind to watch horse racing. It's fine. I think it would be fun to go down to the windsor track and bet on a few races with some buddies. (don't worry mom, i only gamble with monopoly money). But is it absolutly nessisary to have 4 hours of televised pre-race cerimonies? Is anyone watching at home actually awake by the time the race starts? I highly doubt it.
I didn't watch this weekends kentuky derby. But i did see highlights of the race...I think most people did. Big brown won. Who's big brown you ask...well he's a horse...same as the horse who got last place, except faster. You know the one... If you didn't see the highlights, here's why this kentuky derby holds more weight than most. A horse died...no not human, a horse. Everyone calm down...just a horse.
A horse...after crossing the finish line collapsed with two broken ankles. It had to be put down.
Now there is a huge uprising in the "animal rights community". Mainly PETA is getting a whole bunch of media attention, and saying horse racing is really cruel, and they shouldn't be allowed to whip the horses, and running on dirt is too dangerous... and that the sport should be banned altogether. ect ect.
Do you remember when Dale Earnhart died in a nascar race? I do...and although there was some media attention focused on "car racing is dangerous" and "need more safety" ect. No one wanted to ban racing. Now why is a horses life more important than a persons? Why is PETA constantly getting more media attention?
Fricken people eh?
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Random thoughts
A good source of guidance for teenagers is the television, except that televisions message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom, and faith takes a back seat to the need for a toothpaste that gives you whiter teeth.
The metric system didn't really catch on in the states...unless you count the increasing popularity of the 9 millimeter bullet.
I always tell kids... if you want a new bike, don't pray every night for one...God doesn't normally work that way. What you need to do is steal one, and ask for forgivness.
One time I saw a postcard with the picture of the whole earth on it, taken from space. On the back it said "wish you were here" What the heck is that?
You know which guy should be a multi-millionaire? The guy who decided it was a good idea to make a diagram telling you which way to put the batteries in.
You want to confuse a clothing salesman? Tell them your size is extra medium.
I want to make a sign for the front of our store..."Open 24 hours...but not all in a row, we prefer to pace ourselves"
Have you ever noticed that while driving in trafic anyone who is driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone driving faster is a maniac? I've noticed.
In my opinion there are 3 types of people...those that look at things, and ask "why?" Those that dream about things that don't exist, and ask "why not?" And then there are those that actually go to work for a living and don't have time for that crap.
There are lots of things that people say are sports...that are not sports. Swimming is not a sport...it is a means for not drowning. That's just common sence.
The majority of people i meet work just hard enough not to get fired, and get paid just enough not to quit.
One thing doesn't always lead to another...sometimes it leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
You know those people who are so badly mutilated when they die that they can't identify them except for their dental records? My question is, if they don't know who the person is, how do they know which dentist he goes to?
You know the 2 rules of gravity "if you drop a piece of toast it will always land butter side down" and "a cat always lands on their feet" here's an experiment you can try at home, strap a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat and see what happens!
-just some things to think about
-chuck out
The metric system didn't really catch on in the states...unless you count the increasing popularity of the 9 millimeter bullet.
I always tell kids... if you want a new bike, don't pray every night for one...God doesn't normally work that way. What you need to do is steal one, and ask for forgivness.
One time I saw a postcard with the picture of the whole earth on it, taken from space. On the back it said "wish you were here" What the heck is that?
You know which guy should be a multi-millionaire? The guy who decided it was a good idea to make a diagram telling you which way to put the batteries in.
You want to confuse a clothing salesman? Tell them your size is extra medium.
I want to make a sign for the front of our store..."Open 24 hours...but not all in a row, we prefer to pace ourselves"
Have you ever noticed that while driving in trafic anyone who is driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone driving faster is a maniac? I've noticed.
In my opinion there are 3 types of people...those that look at things, and ask "why?" Those that dream about things that don't exist, and ask "why not?" And then there are those that actually go to work for a living and don't have time for that crap.
There are lots of things that people say are sports...that are not sports. Swimming is not a sport...it is a means for not drowning. That's just common sence.
The majority of people i meet work just hard enough not to get fired, and get paid just enough not to quit.
One thing doesn't always lead to another...sometimes it leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
You know those people who are so badly mutilated when they die that they can't identify them except for their dental records? My question is, if they don't know who the person is, how do they know which dentist he goes to?
You know the 2 rules of gravity "if you drop a piece of toast it will always land butter side down" and "a cat always lands on their feet" here's an experiment you can try at home, strap a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat and see what happens!
-just some things to think about
-chuck out
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
inquisitive
This might be a more serious one, so if you are looking for the usual nonsence and time wasting i normal have on my blog, you might want to skip this one. Or, just look at this picture, and skip the rest.
I've been doing some thinking lately (a dangerous prospect, i know). The problem is, i have more questions than answers. Let me begin with this: A couple of my buddies (probably the only ones who read this blog) have blogs of their own where they write thought proveking things about their current thinking on life, faith ect... I would say that there is nothing wrong with these blogs. I have some of the same thoughts myself. But then where does simple faith come in? If we are so caught up with deep ideas and books about deep and complicated things, is that contrary to the faith that Christ says we are supposed to maintaine as "child-like".
Let me phrase it this way...think of a young child standing at the edge of the pool, looking at his dad, and jumping to him. Child-like faith says a couple really simple things. 1. My dad is in the pool. 2. He says he will catch me when i jump. As far as i can see, those are the only 2 thoughts that cross a childs mind before taking the plunge. A child is not thinking about the best method of jumping to reduce the amount of splash that hit's my dad in the eye, so that he will have a clear view, and make it easier to catch me. He does not think about the depth of the pool, or if the ph is at a safe level. Do you get my point? Is it possible that we as humans hugely overcomplicate things? Could we be way off base by reading all these books, and not focusing our energy on reading the Bible, and talking with God?
Don't get we wrong, I am not saying that God can't speak through other books. I think that you can learn a lot from different peoples perspectives and differnt books. My question is can you not learn the same things from the Bible?
I don't know my point of all this except that recently i'm really being hit with the fact that following Christ is supposed to be simple. Not easy mind you, but simple. It seems to me that throughout the Bible the Isrealittes constantly lose sight of that simplicity. Look at the book of Judges...the basic story is Isrealittes follow God, everything goes pretty good. After some years, they try to add something to God... God + this one idle, or God + trusting in our own power or God + this one sin...then eventually God gets pushed out of the way by whatever it is they are trying to add. God sees it, allows them to be taken over by their enemy's, and they suffer for a little while. Then they cry out to God again, realize their mistake, and God rescuses them. It happens time and time again in judges and throught the Bible.
Now, looking from the outside in, why did God always have to punish them... because they lost their simple reliance upon Him. Time after time. That's a simple answer...then why did they always try to complicate things, and turn from God, if it was so simple to keep that from happening? We look at that story and say "man they were dumb" but doesn't the same thing happen in our lives? That we lose sight of our simple faith, and stray from where God wants us...from where we know we are supposed to be?
All i'm saying is that i think at times I complicate things that are better left alone.
let me know what you think
-chuck
I've been doing some thinking lately (a dangerous prospect, i know). The problem is, i have more questions than answers. Let me begin with this: A couple of my buddies (probably the only ones who read this blog) have blogs of their own where they write thought proveking things about their current thinking on life, faith ect... I would say that there is nothing wrong with these blogs. I have some of the same thoughts myself. But then where does simple faith come in? If we are so caught up with deep ideas and books about deep and complicated things, is that contrary to the faith that Christ says we are supposed to maintaine as "child-like".
Let me phrase it this way...think of a young child standing at the edge of the pool, looking at his dad, and jumping to him. Child-like faith says a couple really simple things. 1. My dad is in the pool. 2. He says he will catch me when i jump. As far as i can see, those are the only 2 thoughts that cross a childs mind before taking the plunge. A child is not thinking about the best method of jumping to reduce the amount of splash that hit's my dad in the eye, so that he will have a clear view, and make it easier to catch me. He does not think about the depth of the pool, or if the ph is at a safe level. Do you get my point? Is it possible that we as humans hugely overcomplicate things? Could we be way off base by reading all these books, and not focusing our energy on reading the Bible, and talking with God?
Don't get we wrong, I am not saying that God can't speak through other books. I think that you can learn a lot from different peoples perspectives and differnt books. My question is can you not learn the same things from the Bible?
I don't know my point of all this except that recently i'm really being hit with the fact that following Christ is supposed to be simple. Not easy mind you, but simple. It seems to me that throughout the Bible the Isrealittes constantly lose sight of that simplicity. Look at the book of Judges...the basic story is Isrealittes follow God, everything goes pretty good. After some years, they try to add something to God... God + this one idle, or God + trusting in our own power or God + this one sin...then eventually God gets pushed out of the way by whatever it is they are trying to add. God sees it, allows them to be taken over by their enemy's, and they suffer for a little while. Then they cry out to God again, realize their mistake, and God rescuses them. It happens time and time again in judges and throught the Bible.
Now, looking from the outside in, why did God always have to punish them... because they lost their simple reliance upon Him. Time after time. That's a simple answer...then why did they always try to complicate things, and turn from God, if it was so simple to keep that from happening? We look at that story and say "man they were dumb" but doesn't the same thing happen in our lives? That we lose sight of our simple faith, and stray from where God wants us...from where we know we are supposed to be?
All i'm saying is that i think at times I complicate things that are better left alone.
let me know what you think
-chuck
Friday, March 28, 2008
That Card Again!?
Is it just me, or are there more people in the world who are sick and tired of black people blaming everything on racism? And just about anything that happens that includes both a white, and a black person, the black guy is hard done by. Don't believe me, check this article out... at least the writer has some common sense.
But seriously...if a black guy shoots another black guy...that seems to be okay. As long as both parties are black. But if a T.V show is made without an equal number of blacks and whites... HOLY CRAP! Get out the way...an uprising has started!
Now in my lifetime i have yet to witness a "hate against blacks" crime. I understand that is still does happen especially in the southern states and such...but come on, it seems like more black people hate whites than vice versa.
And what the heck is wrong with Network T.V. it's ok to have a show with only black main characters, but not ok with only whites? Maybe I as a white male should start writing letters. maybe I should start an accociation for white people. We'll write letters and complain to everyone who we think might be "oppressing" us.
What is wrong with people? There should be a new rule. Ask Rob before doing anything stupid. I'd set you straight.
I perhaps i need to appoligize to the black people for saying "black" instead of "african american" in this blog. But then again...maybe you should check your life out!
-Chuck Out
But seriously...if a black guy shoots another black guy...that seems to be okay. As long as both parties are black. But if a T.V show is made without an equal number of blacks and whites... HOLY CRAP! Get out the way...an uprising has started!
Now in my lifetime i have yet to witness a "hate against blacks" crime. I understand that is still does happen especially in the southern states and such...but come on, it seems like more black people hate whites than vice versa.
And what the heck is wrong with Network T.V. it's ok to have a show with only black main characters, but not ok with only whites? Maybe I as a white male should start writing letters. maybe I should start an accociation for white people. We'll write letters and complain to everyone who we think might be "oppressing" us.
What is wrong with people? There should be a new rule. Ask Rob before doing anything stupid. I'd set you straight.
I perhaps i need to appoligize to the black people for saying "black" instead of "african american" in this blog. But then again...maybe you should check your life out!
-Chuck Out
Thursday, March 6, 2008
the late great
I was thinking yesterday about some of the great comedians that i enjoy listening to. Sure, obviously jerry sienfeld is there. I also don't mind dane cook now and then, and even some redneck humour with the blue collar guys is good.
But when i think of some really original, "different" comedy, i think of one name. The late great Mitch Hedberg.
I'd like to share a few of mitch's jokes in my blog today. For those of you who haven't ever heard mitch, let me explain a few things. Mitch does not do a nice flowing comedy show. He only gets on stage and does one-liners, none of which flows to the next. And you have to understand that mitch is almost always baked during his show. His speach is slow and slurred, and he can hardly stand.
Ok here are a few of my favorites from mitch. (they are cleaned up for content as i miantain a pg rating on this blog...until i decide otherwise)
-I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.
-An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an
Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
-Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow combine the two to create the ultimate kite-flying experience.
-Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
-I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
-I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.
-I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.
-I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
-I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.
-I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.
-I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
- was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
-I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.
-I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
-I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
-If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.
-It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.
Thanks Mitch
But when i think of some really original, "different" comedy, i think of one name. The late great Mitch Hedberg.
I'd like to share a few of mitch's jokes in my blog today. For those of you who haven't ever heard mitch, let me explain a few things. Mitch does not do a nice flowing comedy show. He only gets on stage and does one-liners, none of which flows to the next. And you have to understand that mitch is almost always baked during his show. His speach is slow and slurred, and he can hardly stand.
Ok here are a few of my favorites from mitch. (they are cleaned up for content as i miantain a pg rating on this blog...until i decide otherwise)
-I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.
-An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an
Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
-Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow combine the two to create the ultimate kite-flying experience.
-Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
-I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
-I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.
-I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.
-I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
-I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.
-I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.
-I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
- was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
-I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.
-I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
-I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
-If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.
-It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.
Thanks Mitch
Monday, March 3, 2008
a short story and terrorists
Ok, today for your reading pleasure, i will tell you a story about a man named...well, let's call him wayne...because after all, that is his real name.
I met wayne a few weeks ago. He came into the shop, and was looking for a bearing. Now the first thing you notice about this guy is that he talks with a very low voice, and mumbles constantly. It's sounds like if you tried to talk with your teeth clenched. So wayne earned himself the nickname "the mumbler".
Now, we all know that i'm not one to jump to conclusions...ahem..but, call me crazy but within 2 minutes of meeting the mumbler, i pegged him to be a trekkie. I actually thought in my head " i bet this guy loves to try to figure out trig functions for the proton ion flux capacitor used in season 3 episode 4"
Anyway, to make a long awsome story short and boring...the mumbler was in on friday, and loves star treck. Has thick books on star trek.
what can i say, I have a gift.
Speaking of racial profiling, here's a question for you.
Your a border guard between canada and the us. A car drives up to your station. The car is being driven by a muslum man, late 30's, wearing the white robe type thing, long beard, heavy accent, and a turban.
Ok, now here's the question:
Do you grill this guy more than a 80 year old white woman?
I will answer that quesion in my next blog.
I met wayne a few weeks ago. He came into the shop, and was looking for a bearing. Now the first thing you notice about this guy is that he talks with a very low voice, and mumbles constantly. It's sounds like if you tried to talk with your teeth clenched. So wayne earned himself the nickname "the mumbler".
Now, we all know that i'm not one to jump to conclusions...ahem..but, call me crazy but within 2 minutes of meeting the mumbler, i pegged him to be a trekkie. I actually thought in my head " i bet this guy loves to try to figure out trig functions for the proton ion flux capacitor used in season 3 episode 4"
Anyway, to make a long awsome story short and boring...the mumbler was in on friday, and loves star treck. Has thick books on star trek.
what can i say, I have a gift.
Speaking of racial profiling, here's a question for you.
Your a border guard between canada and the us. A car drives up to your station. The car is being driven by a muslum man, late 30's, wearing the white robe type thing, long beard, heavy accent, and a turban.
Ok, now here's the question:
Do you grill this guy more than a 80 year old white woman?
I will answer that quesion in my next blog.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)