"Just so you know"

8-8

2010-07-22T13:02:00.000-07:00

Well my friends (if there are any of you that still read this),

It's that time of year again. The time of year where optimism overshadows realism, where hopes and dreams cloud out rational thought. Yes, that's right, it's time for me to pick how many games the Lions will win this year.

Now, before i make my yearly pick, let me explain why I think the Lions will be FAR better this year than last...

Reason #1
The defensive line. Let's face facts, they sucked last year. They couldn't pressure the QB, thus making it easy for the recievers to get open, and the QB to pick apart our secondary. Let's look at the upgrades we've made. - we picked up Suh...a beast of a man drafted 2nd overall. We traded for Corey Williams, who plugs up the middle like no one else. WE also got Vanden-bosch as a free agent. He is a great pass rusher, and with these 3 guys, it will be tough to know who to double team. They WILL get pressure, and make it easier on the secondary. Our overall defensive numbers should get out of the basement of the league this year.

Reason #2
Our passing game will be MUCH improved. Stafford is in his second year at starting QB. The second year is where the biggest jump in talent level happens. He's a stud, and will throw double the TD's as INT's this year. Helping out will be the fact that we got a solid #2 reciever in burleson. They can't triple team calvin anymore. Adding to the help is Tony scheffler...a GREAT recieving TE that can stretch the middle of the field, making the safties stay honest, and not cheat to the outside recievers.

Reason #3
2 running backs! Finally Detroit can use 2 running backs with different strengths. We got Javid Best in the draft, and that guy can break plays wide open. Look him up on you tube...he's a speedster, with great hands out of the backfield. Giving Stafford one more option to throw to.

Ok, here's the prediction...

8-8.

I know what you're thinking, "chuck, it cold be higher than that". I know it could be, be we have a HARD schedule this year, and i prefer to have reachable expectations.

would i be suprised if they won 9 games, and made the playoffs? no....well, maybe, but i can tell you one thing, if the lions make the playoffs, i'll be there! mark my words!

-chuck out

mach 15

2010-07-12T05:36:00.000-07:00

Now, i may not be an expert on shaving, due to the fact that i have the facial hair of a pre-teen, and only shave a couple times per week, but are there that many men complaining about irritation from their razor? And complaning so much that different companies feel the need to advertise about "the most comfortable shave every during every comercial break?

The fusion pro glide for example is probably the sharpest metal known to man. The diagram clearly shows that a layer of the metal is peeled away, creating a thinner, and therefore sharper blade! The sharper blade aparently reduces drag, and doesn't pull on the hair while cutting it. And if there is one thing i hate, it's undue drag on my razor! Not to mention that it's got like a built in "comfort strip" that (according to the commercial) leaves a blue hue in it's wake that apparently represents the imense amounts of comfort it provides.

Then there's the debat over which razor is "the closest shave ever". And how do these companies strive to become the razor with the closest shave? They add more blades! I remember when the mach 3 came out. It had 3 blades! It was an incredible amount of genius. Why the heck would i want to shave with 1 or 2 blades, when i could be using 3!? Since that time, the whole industry seems to be scrambling to be the first company to release a razor with just one more blade. I think we are up to 5 or 6 already.

I plan to make a killing by jumping over blade #7-14, and just making and marketing a 3 inch wide 15 blade razor. Not only would it be "the closest shave ever" but it would also be "the most comfortable shave ever" because i would have like 5 different "comfort strips" releasing that famous blue hue. It would also cut your shaving time in half, leaving you more time to hang out with that girl who's wearing your button up shirt, and no pants that's in every comercial.

-chuck out

The bankrupt party

2010-01-05T09:35:00.000-08:00

Those you you that actually read my blog, know me well enough to know that i'm fairly middle of the road when it comes to politics. I don't really lean to the right or left of the political scale... so the following will be a fairly neutral article about the political state of our country...

Naw, I'm kidding!! I'ma slam the liberals for a bit. If you are a liberal, i don't want this to sound judgmental, or condescending. I'd just like you to realize that I'm better than you.

So news came out today that there are six Liberals who ran for office in our last election, including former leader Stephane Dion that still have not paid off their campaign debts. Seems they were already granted an 18 month extension on their loans, and the deadline for that was jan 1. They are no longer eligible for anymore extensions, and this matter will now have to be resolved through the courts.

It has not been released how much money they all owe, but an "insider" has said that Dion has approx, $80,000 left to pay. The original bill is said to have been around $950,000. Now that election was in 2007, and here we are in 2010. At 6% interest (which was the going rate at the time of the loan), think about all those interest payments he's having to make.

As a donner of the liberal party, how do you feel knowing that your $500, is not making a difference in the campaign, but instead just paying interest...?

My second question is, If These liberals can't even handle their 1 million dollar campaign budget, how do they figure they'll handle all of Canada's budget of billions of dollars? hmmmm?

Don't get me wrong, i do like Harper, and what he's doing for Canada, but i don't agree with everything he does either. Harper comes up with ideas, and strategies, and runs our country fairly well...at the same time constantly putting out attack adds against the liberals, and the NDP. To me,it's not really necessary. Canadian politics have always been riddled with attack adds, but Harper seems to use them more than most.

On the other hand i would LOVE it if Liberals would actually come up with idea's on their own, and explain how they work. I read Canadian news almost everyday, and i constantly see liberal quotes that look like this "Stephen Harper is running our country into the ground, if WE were in power, we'd do things better!" or "Our plan for the country includes more jobs, and higher wages" really? that sounds great! But how the heck do you plan on doing these things? no one knows. Maybe they plan on using your tax dollars the same way they run their finances in their campaigns...

-chuck out

Hype(r) activated

2009-12-23T06:09:00.000-08:00

So, today is December 23, 2009. Mark your calenders, because the Olympic flame hype has reached Leamington! The streets will be lined with thousands of onlookers as they wait anxiously to see... someone dressed in all white jog by holding a glorified stick with a little fire on it...

Let's turn back the clock a little bit here... (insert wavy flashback sequence)

The last time the flame was in leamington was in the mid 80's. Back then, the Olympic flame was far more hardcore... let me explain. "the eternal flame" actually burned constantly, for years and years the fire never went out. It was a symbol for worldwide competition of the best athletes in the world. It united countries who would otherwise be at odds. It would have been an honour to be entrusted with carrying such an eternal symbol.

Ok, flashback to the present...

The "eternal flame" just like most other things in our generation is nothing more than a big publicity stunt. They choose a few important people from each town that get to carry it, then the fire is PUT OUT, and driven to the next destinaiton, where there are more camera's to catch the action.

I watch TSN every morning, and they always have a section on where the flame had been the previous day...you can track it online as well. They show clips of people carrying it, and a map with the towns it visited. "and we're all back there going...yeah fine, just get me where it says on the ticket."

They have this idea in Leamington...they'll have someone important have the flame on...wait for it... a tomato harvester, while the mayor drives it through town. REALLY!? What the heck does a tomato harvester have to do with the olympics? Or any sporting event for that matter?

And i've heard people talk about "all the tourist dollars that this will bring leamington!". Um...hate to break it to you pal, but the flame is here for like 45 minutes... and probably the only tourist dollars you're going to make is if one of the camera crew get a hackerin' for some 7/11 penuts.

I say we go back to the old school where the "eternal flame" never actually goes out, and it's actually RUN, not driven across the country by actual athletes a mile at a time. I bet most of our "important polititions" would be out of the running, because they can't actually run a mile straight.

Eternal flame, you've changed...you've changed for the worse.

-chuck out

Sit Down!

2009-11-02T05:50:00.000-08:00

Julia and I are fortunate enough to get to a fair amount of sporting events each year. We go to redwings games, Tiger games, and usually a Lions game. Many things annoy me about some of the fans at these events, but there is one thing that really gets on my nerves.

At any given time during the event, you can look around your section and find people on their cell phones. Some are talking on them, others taking pictures, and still others texting. Now, I have a small issue with texting to start with...why would i punch in a tonn of buttons to try to piece together a sentence, when i could just call the person? But that is a blog for another time...

Now if it were up to me, people wouldn't even have their phones on during a game. You just spent like $100 to watch this game...you don't need to call your Friend to talk about what you are missing in this weeks episode of Smallville. There are a few reasons I can sort of understand why you'd be on the phone at some point during a game...got a call that you had to take, taking pictures seems fine, and even texting a buddy who isn't at the game to make him jealous. These all seem to be fair excuses to be using your phone. But there is one thing that ticks me off more than anything else...

The guy in front of you picks up the phone, and his conversation sounds like this... "Hey man, where are you sitting?...Which section is that?...Is that near the little ceasars sign...no, i can't see you waving...stand up...what are you wearing?...what row are you in?...oh there you are!...Sweet seats man...can you see me?... I'm sitting in section 123...I'll stand up right in front of everyone while the play is going on so you can see me...can you see me?...no I'm farther to the left...no look left...I'm wearing my Jersey...no look LEFT!...I'm the guys waving...you see me?...AWSOME!!!...we can see each other...alright,well, see you Monday!"

Seriously guys?! You need to waste your time trying to find a friend, who's somewhere in the stadium, and stand up right in front of me waving!? And for what? So that on Monday you can talk about how awesome it was looking across the stadium at each other? These people need to get a life! And it's not like it's only happened once...i see it multiple times every time i go to a game.

People need to check their lives out!

-chuck out

P.S. - does everyone else also feel like they are smarter than the average person?

Perhaps you too have had some of these same thoughts:

2009-10-19T11:46:00.000-07:00

- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves
me.

- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose
not to be friends with?

- Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
fix the problem. Every kid in the world did that, but how did we all
know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

- I would rather attempt to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.

- That's enough, Nickelback.

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
a problem....

- You never know when it will strike, but sometimes there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.

- There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

- I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people
watching TV. There's so much pressure. I love this show, but will
they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't
watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

-chuck out

Rule # 1

2009-08-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

You know how hockey has unspoken rules that govern how players are allowed to fight, such as: no sticks, no gloves, no helmets, no kicking, fight ends when 1 player goes down, and we do not speak about fight club. Ok, I made that last one up, but you get my drift.

NHL's Unspoken rules must stay unspoken because the NHL can't look like they condone fighting by saying "this is how you should fight". But at the same time, they want it in the game because the fans love it. So instead their is an unwritten code of rules that fighters must follow, so that fighting stays in the game, but they can also avoid injury.

The NHL has basically banned bench brawls...which is unfortunate, but there is still hope to see dozens of players clear benches and throw down...in baseball.

In light of the recent activity in baseball...ie: the tigers bench clearing brawl with the red sox, I thought it might be nice to write out some ground rules for baseball fights, because let's face it...a lot of baseball players suck at fighting...it's rare to see a good fight. Sure, benches clear a dozen times per season, but it normally ends with teams just running out there at full speed, slowing to a walk, and yelling once they get close enough to the other team.

So here are my proposed rules to make baseball fights awesome!

#1 - If a pitcher is going to intentionally hit a batter, and the batter charges the mound, the pitcher must meet him at the mound. Too many times i've seen pitchers who look tough when they throw a 95 mph fastball at a guys ribs, but when he comes for payback, they high tail it to the outfield hoping that one of the other players on the field will be able to stop him before he's caught. Basically if you have the balls to hit a guy, you better have the balls to stay and fight.

#2 - Catchers have one opportunity to get in on the action. They must catch the batter BEFORE he gets to the mound. After a batter is hit, the catcher can at that point make sure the batter doesn't get to the mound. If the batter gets away clean, and makes it to the mound, the catcher has an unfair advantage with his extra padding, and therefore must let the fight at the mound take place. I realize that catchers feel like they have to protect their pitcher, but like i said before, if the pitcher is going to hit the batter, he better also take the consequences like a man.

#3 - We all know that bench clearing brawls are always taken to the next level when the bullpens also get involved. So rule #3 is that the bullpens should always be ready. These guys should be ruthless... just think about the concept... a bunch of guys sitting in a caged area with nothing to do except think of ways to get at the other team, should the opportunity arise.

So this is a good start...there are probably more sweet rules we could add, but lets start small and work our way up from there.

-chuck out

p.s. look out xfl next season xlb makes it debut!

Baby Duck Hat

2009-04-29T07:13:00.000-07:00

Awhile Back I wrote a blog that fetured quotes from Mitch Hedberg. At the time i figured he was the king of one liners. Until i discovered Jack Haney. This guy is hilarious. I have heard his name over the years, but never realized how many awsome jokes he has!

Be carefull about reading this blog while you are at work though...because you WILL laugh out loud, and you co-workers WILL think you are crazy.

Here are some of my favorites from Jack Haney:

To me, it’s always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, ‘Hey, can you give me a hand?,’ you can say, ‘Sorry, got these sacks.’

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I’ll go over to the person’s house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I’m gone, but you know what I’ve left on the porch? A jack-o’-lantern with a knife in the side of its head with a note that says ‘You.’ After that, I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don’t know what your rights are, or who the person is you’re talking to. Then, on the way out, slam the door.

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. Mankind. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words—’mank’ and ‘ind’. What do these words mean? It’s a mystery, and that’s why so is mankind.

It’s too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.

Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that’s like a regular window.

If you’re in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at some guys, throw one of those little baby-type pumpkins. Maybe it’ll make everyone think of how crazy war is, and while they’re thinking, you can throw a real grenade.

If you’re at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don’t like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you’re eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you’re out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, ‘Boy, these are good cigars!’

If you’re a cowboy, and you’re dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don’t think it necessarily means you’re a hard worker. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.

If I was being executed by injection, I’d clean up my cell real neat. Then, when they came to get me, I’d say, ‘Injection? I thought you said `inspection’.’ They’d probably feel real bad, and maybe I could get out of it.

If I was a cowboy in a lynch mob, I think I’d try to stay near the back. That way, if somebody shamed us into disbanding, I could sort of slip off to the side and pretend I was window-shopping or something.

If I lived back in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I’d carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like, ‘Hey look. He’s carrying a soldering iron!’ and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, ‘That’s right, it’s a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.’ Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.

I’m telling you, just attach a big parachute TO THE PLANE ITSELF! Is anyone listening to me?!

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: ‘That guy sure owed me a lot of money.’

How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn’t have that dangerous beak.

Don’t ever get your speedometer confused with your clock, like I did once, because the faster you go, the later you think you are.

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.

Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus’s-flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won’t bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.

You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he’s real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.

I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.”

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.”

“If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.”

“Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.”

“Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.”

“If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say”

“Instead of building newer and larger weapons of mass destruction, I think mankind should try to get more use out of the ones we have

"I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide. Then, at the very end, there's a page you can lick and it tastes like Kool-Aid."

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it."

I think a good product would be “Baby Duck Hat.” It’s a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then all of the sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man those ducks really take off! Also Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong though. It's Hambone.

-chuck out

Do you believe?

2009-04-22T09:24:00.000-07:00

If the T.V is on in our house, 90% of the time we are tuned into either tsn, or tsn2. Julia and I both love watching sports. The problem with only really watching 2 stations is that we have to see a lot of the same commercials over and over again. Especially because both the stations we watch air the same commercials. Normally it's not a big issue, but lately there are 2 commercials that have really gotten under my skin.

1. The Vancouver 2010 commercials:

Most of the time commercials become annoying only after watching them like 10 times, and you become sick of them. This one was an exception to that rule. The first time i saw it, I was immediately angry with it. Part of the reason for this was because when i saw it the first time it was 14 months until the start of the Olympics. 14 Months!. I knew i would have to endure over a year of re-runs of this crappy spot. Let me explain the commercial for those of you living in a hole...

There are actually several versions of the same commercial, but it's basically the same thing with different kids. The premise of the commercial is a bunch of different kids talking (in high pitched annoying voices) about the upcoming Olympics. They are all in difference scenes doing things like playing hockey, standing on a ski hill, in front of the Ottawa Parliament ect. They each say things like "Canadian athletes are winning big time on the world stage" "Canada wins the games", "do you believe" ect. The stupidest comment out of them all is "there's an Olympian in all of us". What does that even mean? The 40 year old fat guy sitting on his couch is some sort of Olympian? no...he's not. It's useless, mindless jargin...just like the rest of the commercial.

What would make this commercial awesome is if while saying "there's an Olympian is all of us" they had a shot of angry beavers chasing said fat guy while he's trying desperately to learn how to work cross country ski's. Now THAT is Canadian!

#2 Tim Horton's "wrap man" commercial:

This commercial makes me more and more upset every time i see it. It doesn't help that it's on EVERY SINGLE time my hockey game goes to a commercial break.

This commercial features 2 men in an office setting discussing which one of them is "wrap man". One has a nameplate for his desk, and the other an office key card...both with the name "wrap man". At the climax of the commercial..."wrapgirl" walks by. I know, i can hardly contain my excitment!

Let's get something straight. Wraps are not manly. They are in fact the opposite of manly. So don't try to pass off "wrap man" as some sought after superhero title. Wrapman is not tough. He's a wuss that needs a kick in the junk (if there's anything even there). If you actually ordered a wrap for lunch, you should be eating it in the bathroom stall out of sheer embarrassment.

The only thing that would save this horrible commercial would be if right near the end, the office linebacker showed up and hammered everyone.

*note - the office linebacker does not eat wraps. And if he did, I would say nothing...

-chuck out

like taking candy...

2009-04-08T08:01:00.000-07:00

So my Friends, today i just earned a free large coffee with just cream.

How did i do that you ask? Well it certainly wasn't by winning roll up the rim. I'm batting .000 on that front this year. I plan to bounce back next year...

No, today i made a bet that i cannot lose. You see, i am a tigers fan, and my friend jon is a...well he normally only likes whoever is good at the time, but he lives in TO so we'll call him a half hearted jays fan. We have made a wager that when the tigers finish the season with more wins...i get a coffee.

This bet is not only about which team is better, but it boils down to which one of us has the greater baseball knowledge. If I wanted a challenge, I'd put together a puzzle that only has 2 pieces. But this match pails in comparison.

So, technically i earned a free coffee, but have to wait till the end of the season to collect.

-chuck out

WHO ME?

2009-03-05T10:14:00.001-08:00

It is becoming more and more aperant that I am no longer accountable for my own actions (at least in this life). No, I can pretty much do whatever i like, and pass the blame onto someone else.

If i want to buy a house that i certainly can't afford, and buy a tonn of stuff on my credit cards that i certainly can't pay for...it's not my problem. It's the banks fault for giving me the mortgage. It's the stores fault for luring me into buying stuff with their advertising campaings. It's the credit cards fault for charging me so much interest that i can't possibly make anymore than the minimum payments. I should not have to pay back any of this money. Someone who only bought what they could afford should pay for my house and stuff for me.

If i Decide i want to take up smoking, i will certainly do so...years later when i develop lung cancer, it's the cigarette company's fault for not putting big enough warnings on their packaging. It's the governments fault for letting me smoke in the first place. I can now sue for millions because of this lung cancer that i don't deserve to have.

If i decide i want to use a knife, and behead someone while riding a bus in manitoba...i can certainly do that. I should not be called a criminal for this because it was the voices in my head telling me to do it. I had a rough upbrining. My parents didn't love me. I was told by God to do it. All i need is for someone to pay attention to me. Nevermind the family of the person i beheaded, i am the one that needs help. And forget prison for life, or the electric chair, put me in a nice mental instatution, and let me out in a year.

Do we not see what this society is doing to itself!!!!

-chuck out

free agent man

2009-03-02T08:18:00.001-08:00

Let's talk Detroit Lions for a moment. The NFL free agent signing period started on friday. Now concidering the lions set a new record for worst team ever last year 0-16, they are looking to fill almost every position either through free agency or a few through the draft. That being said, any free agents that are any good, don't want to come to Detroit. And who can blame them...i mean 0-16 season last year doen't offer much hope for the upcoming season. Especially when Detroit makes every good player look average. Sure, we can offer them more money, but so can teams that won like 3-6 games last season. And a team that won a few games last season has a way better chance to make the playoffs this year.

There are really only 2 types of free agents that the Lions will be able to attract (and we'll have to overpay for either one)

1. The older veteran that has overstayed his welcome in the league. This is a guy who you may recognize his name from 5-7 years ago, but his play has stedily declined for the last couple seasons. He comes to Detroit for one last big paying contract, because no other team will take him. He's probably also very injury prone. I tend to want to stay away from these guys...cough culpepper cough ect.

2. The younger player who has been in the leauge maybe 3 years. He has been a back-up in his position for his whole career, and has a hunger to be a starting player in the NFL. He comes ot the Lions because of the pay, but also because a second string player on any other team could certainly become a starter for an 0-16 team. This group of men shows more promise than the first, but you really have to get lucky for them to end up earning their contract. But they do have a good work ethic and drive to better themselves. aka the CB we just got from the Titans.

So far the Lions have picked up:
2 corner backs
1 Running back
1 wide reciever

P.S. - we almost landed Jay Cutler in a trade...it fell through (after all we are talking about the LIONS front office) but holy smokes...that would have been awsome. Here's hoping they can still get a deal done

-chuck out

The KKK?...really?

2009-02-10T06:23:00.000-08:00

PETA has done it again. Before you read this blog, please read this article first.

I'm not even sure where to start on this one... Do i start with the fact that PETA is protesting at a place where everyone there is a huge animal lover? Or perhaps the fact they are not protesting animal cruelty necessarily, but more breeding habits that are designed to help animals avoid health problems. Or maybe...just maybe i should start with the fact they are making a mockery of the fact that black people were actually tortured and killed for no other reason than their skin colour.

Yeah, maybe I'll start with that. Don't get me wrong, I'm the first to realize that black people in general play the race card far too often, for no reason. But here is a situation where playing the race card would be extremely warranted. I mean comparing animal breeding to hate filled lynchings is preposterous! First off, let's recognize that animals are not as important than people. And second, breeding and hanging are opposite things.

I can't even produce a decent blog because I'm so stunned that someone would have the balls to actually do something like this. I'm at a loss for words.

Stupid PETA

-chuck out

fun facts

2009-02-04T06:09:00.001-08:00

Here are some fun facts that you might not have known about. I obviously already knew about them, which speaks to the fact that my knowledge is far superior to yours. Or I just looked them up on a website.

-women blink nearly twice as much as men.

There have been many studies done to find out why this is. No one knows for sure, but there are different theories out there...here's mine. I figure somewhere deep down in a man's subconscious, there is the feeling of having to "tough it out". Your body wants to blink sooner, but something inside is saying "no man, don't do it. You can hold out a little while longer"

-The longest word in the English language is 1909 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA.

And no, i'm not going to type it for you. And who the heck has time to come up with a word that long!?

-hot and ready pizza's were thought up directly by God.

Ok, this may not be a solid "fact", but I'll give you my theory. God loves us humans so much that despite our short comings he wanted to find yet another way to bless us. So He thought up $5 hot and ready pizza's. Now He needed to choose how to implement this new strategy. Since God clearly loves the Red wings more than any other NHL team, and Since Mike Ilitch owns both the red wings, and little ceasers... God gave the hot and ready's to little ceasers. Again, this is just a theory.

-In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10

Apparetly studies have found that 10:10 is one of the most soothing looking times. Now i'm not sure, but i would bet it was a government funded study that found this out. Taking probably 50-100 thousand dollars of taxpayers money.

-The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N and O-Z, hence "Oz."

He was obviously on some sort of drug at the time also... I mean seriously, flying monkeys...that's just ludicrous.

-The average secretary's left hand does 56% of the typing.

I'm probably not allowed to say "secretary" anymore. I believe they prefer to be called administrative assistants. But then again, when have i ever cared what other people think.

-Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

Al Capone would be the type of criminal now adays that would film his own crime, send the video to the police with his own return address on it, and a note that said "try to prove it". The guy was so smart, he was basically untouchable. Except apparently he wasn't so good at math...

-There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

Every single golf ball i've ever used has had only 335 dimples, thus making it out of balance, so when i swing it has a nasty slice. The slice is clearly the fault of the defective golf ball. Don't believe me? Then count the dimples on my ball.

-chuck out

Man, this global warming is really making me cold!

2009-01-16T07:57:00.000-08:00

I am always blown away at how easy it is to sway the general public's view in a certain direction. Take global warming for example... whether you beleive it or not is irrelivant. (even though it's a hoax). What's amazing is how fast it becomes the biggest issue disscust by the general public. In 2003 global warming didn't exsist...or at least we haden't ever heard of it. Then, some polititians go on the news backed by a bunch of scientists saying it's going to destroy the earth. The next day...everyone believes the world is going to end unless we do something drastic fast!

Are we that stupid as a society that we belive anything that a democratic polition tells us on TV? "i saw it on TV, so it must be true". Maybe back in the day the news that was reported could be trusted...but that day is long past. The sooner we all realize that, the better off we'll be.

And another thing...we are setting records all over the country for new low temperatures hit...as well as average temperatures for december and now january. So..my prediction...global cooling! Heads up everyone, because an ice-age is upon us unless we start driving our cars more! Everyone go out and get a huge gas guzzling SUV, or else we are all doomed!

Someone better tell Al Gore that we need a new documentary made...and fast. Before it's too late!

-chuck out

But I want one!

2008-12-05T05:41:00.000-08:00

It seems that nowadays every Christmas there becomes one toy that every kid thinks they NEED. And some dumb parents agree with them. The first year i remember this happening was with "tickle me elmo". You rememeber seeing it on the news...a store would get a shipment of them in, and crazy parents would stand in line outside waiting for the doors to open. When they did, it was an all out brawl between insane parents trying to get there hands on one. The ones that weren't lucky enough to push themselves to the front of the line then went home and bought them on E-bay for hundreads of dollars.

For a stupid DOLL that laughted when you touched it!!!

Then last year (and this year to a lesser extent) it was the Wii Console. Fights break out, people get hospitalized, and a few even die by being trampled. And for what? Do these people think they would be bad parents if their kid didn't get the newest trend?

And these big companies don't do much to help either...they spend huge dollars on marketing, then claim they "can't meet the demand". No, it's not that they can't meet the demand, it's that if they purposley don't ship as many as they need, so that the value of the product skyockets. And dumb people fall for it hook line and sinker. Take this year for example... in september every store had wii's for sale. It was easy to buy one for a cheap price. People were selling them used pretty cheap as well. Then toward the end of November...stores started running out, and now people fight over them, and pay top dollar to get one. Did Nintendo not know that it is Christmas time? Did their production manager just totally forget that they'd need more during this time? Is there no Christmas in Japan? I doubt it.

Don't get me wrong, i don't blame these companies. They are just doing whatever they can to sell their product. That's what companies do. What i do blame is lack of common scense fromt the buyers. People are nuts.

When i was a kid, i don't remember any of this happeneing. I don't remember there being fights over kids toys, or lines outside stores. Maybe there was...

-chuck out

What democracy?

2008-12-02T12:17:00.000-08:00

Is anyone else outraged and apalled by what is happening this week in our canadain government!?

For those of you that live in caves, and haven't heard the news, here's what's going down:

Basically, to make a long story short, the liberals have decided to get into bed with the NDP, and the Bloc. They singed documents to make what is called a coilition. With all three parties joined together, they are putting in a "vote of no confidence" for the conservative leadership. Basically saying "we now have more seats, so you can't be our leader anymore." Then Harper will be thown out as our Prime minister, and Dion will take over until the liberals elect a new leader in may.

Maybe my memory isn't very good, but did Harper not just defeat Dion in the election like 2 months ago!? What the heck is this crap. I'll tell you what it is...a huge Power/Money grab on the part of the liberals and NDP. And in the process, the bloc can get whatever they want...they are holding the nessesary seats to give this colition the majority of seats.

What happened to democracy? Now the fate of who the primeminister will be rests not with the general public, but with one woman, the governor general. She can (from what i understand) kind of say no to the whole deal...or let it happen.

I had no idea this kind of crap was even allowed. Since when do we have a leader in a democratic country chosen not by the people, but by buerocrats. This is madness!

I have a tonn more to say on this topic, but maybe you should ask me in person or by e-mail...most people wouldn't want to hear what i have to say about it.

-chuck out

things i dislike

2008-11-27T12:58:00.000-08:00

-People that call toronto "t-dot" (you're not cool with your trendy shortform. get over yourself)

- Apple feeling the need to put the letter "i" in front of every one of there product names. (iphone, ipod, ibook. soon we'll be driving icars, and living in ihouses. I know what must have happened. Apple hired their Marketing manager away from mcDolands. That must be it.)

- fanny packs (the only good thing about fanny packs is that they're designed to keep your hands free so that you can punch yourself in the face for weraring one)

- people that insist that frozen vegtables work better on a wound than an ice-pack does. ( the ice-pack is desinged specifically for that application...so you're wrong)

-chuck out

A burden has lifted

2008-10-24T06:50:00.001-07:00

Well my friends, I am happy to announce that my basement drywall is done! It has been a long 12 months (with about 7 month break) but last night my dad and I finished it all. Feels good to have that portion of my basement finished. I am currently searching for someone to do the mudding and taping. Then the only thing left to do is paint, drop ceiling, finish the electrical, and trim. Frick, still seems like a lot left to go.

Also, a couple weeks ago Julia and I painted our entire upstairs. That was a huge job too.

So now that these jobs are no longer in the "to do" pile, i figure i'll just sit back and cruise through the rest of my life.

I'll let you know how that goes.

-chuck out

Milk This!

2008-09-26T05:38:00.000-07:00

Today, i'd like to talk about a subject that is normally not talked about in public arenas such as this...breast milk. I know, a topic you were all dying for me to get to...

In traditional circles, a nursing mothers milk is used to feed their baby. Seems simple enough right? It's proven that a mothers milk contains not only nutrients the baby needs, but also anti-bacterias that the baby hasn't yet produced on it's own...something that can't be gotten from "formula". You're all going "ok chuck, what the heck are you getting at?"

Ice cream is made from cow's milk (some for goats milk, but it must be labelled as such). We as North Americans raise cows, and milk them to enjoy a cold glass of milk...ice cream...cheese...ect.

I know, so far a very random blog. But here's what ties it all together. Our friends at PETA (People for Ethical Treatment of Animals) have sent a proposal to Ben and Jerry's saying that instead of using cow's milk for ice cream, they should use human milk from a nursing mother. Sighting that milking cow's is cruel.

Don't beleive me...here's the article link.

Now, let's break this down for a moment. Milking cows is cruel, but milking humans is ok? Even if milking humans means that you baby (that needs breast milk) will have to go without? And what about orphans? Some kind women donate their breast milk so that abandoned baby's will be able to have milk as well. Should they donate to ice cream instead?

And lets examine how cruel it is to milk cows... Cows that have been milked actually NEED to be milked. If you miss a milking, it becomes extrememly uncomfortable for the cow. Sort of like you having to go to the bathroom, but not being able to go. And if you wait long enough before milking, the milk goes sour, in turn causing bacteria in the cows udder, in turn leading to something called "mastitis". This could also lead to death of the cow.

Here are some pictures of cows with "mastitis". But be warned the pictures are pretty gross. Don't click on this link unless you are ready to view graphic pictures

Leave it to PETA to come up with something so stupid. Those people need to be put in a pen with hungry live aligators...then see how "ethically" they want to treat animals...

-chuck out

p.s. if you have disagreements with my opinions on this, or any other blog....don't e-mail me...i'm far to busy and important for your stupidity

Phew!

2008-09-16T07:45:00.000-07:00

Well, lucky for you, we've dodged a bullet. The world didn't blow up, or get sucked into a black hole (at least not yet) and i'm still here for your reading enjoyment.

But alas, I do have some bad news...My beloved detroit lions are 0-2. And they are dragging me down in my football pool because i refuse to pick against them. But there is a silver lining...they play the 49ers next week! So i'm hoping for the best.

In other news...i'm back working on my basement again. Bought a shower yesterday, and i'm hoping to do some more drywall on thursday evening. If there is anyone out there who wants to finish my basement for free...or even for large amounts of doodles please let me know!

That's all the news i have today

-chuck out

speed of light?

2008-09-09T09:01:00.000-07:00

Some of you may or may not be aware of the fact that there has been much talk recently of a large hadron collider, and particle accelerators. The reason for all this buzz is that underground the switzeralnd border this "large hadron collider or "LHC"" has been built, and the first trial run is to happen tommorow. This machine is massive...like 17 kms long.

My fist question is probably the same as yours..."what the heck is it?" Well, due to my limmited grasp of intense physics, my lack of adequite reserch, and general stupidity, i am unable to really explain it. But hey, when has that ever stopped me from trying...here goes...

To put this in terms that even i can understand...basically this huge "LHC" will be able to produce super intense energy beams...then smash them together. Something like taking bullet trains at 500mph, and smashing them together...only without using the trains...confusing right? this is only the beggining.

Ever heard of the elusive "higgs boston" or even what they call a "standard model" yeah, me neither... but let me cut to the chase...

Scientists are trying to predict what exactly will happen when they fire this baby up. The majority of people are anticipating tiny tiny black holes that are so unstable they will vanish almost instantly. Black holes? sounds crazy right? Not nearly as crazy as what some scientists are predicting.

Here's the list of different predictions..all from well respected scientists...not from crazy preople: (keep in mind i'm putting them is terms i can understand...they use bigger words)

- these "tiny black holes" will not be so unstable, and will grow and suck the planet into themselves...

- will rip open time and space as we know it exposing up to 11 or 12 dimentions on earth that were previously hidden

- we will see for the first time ever the building blocks of time travel.

There are more, but you get the idea. This is stuff out of a drugged up star trek movie.

Want to know what i think will happen...they'll fire up this machine...they'll collide their first energy beam, and the machine will wreck. Done. Billions and billions of dollars spent...just so they can destroy what they built.

Black holes...time travel...? look it up, i'm not kidding.

Just in case i'm wrong, and tommorow the earth will be sucked ito some black hole, and time travel will be enabled...better wear a lead vest like the ones they make your wear when you get x-rays...you never know what those beam things could do to your reproductive capability.

-chuck out

9-7 this season baby!

2008-08-19T06:43:00.000-07:00

Sure, there are some exciting things in life...graduating from school, your wedding day, buying your first house, ect...

but nothing quite compares to something magical that happens every september... FOOTBALL SEASON!

I am a die hard fan, and the summer months can't leave quickley enough. In my opinion, you can't be a die hard fan unless you have a certain team you cheer for. Mine happens to be the Detroit lions. It has been a long summer, and I have passed the time by learning the ins and outs of the lions new "zone blocking run scheme", and their "tampa 2 defence".

Prediction lions go 9-7 and make the playoffs!

-chuck out

good night moon

2008-07-11T05:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, so Julia left eary early this morning to go to manitoba...let me tell you about how this was the worst night.

It all began at around 11:00 when i went to bed, Julia had already basically fell asleep watching TV, and now it was my turn. So i shut the TV off and tried to go to sleep. As soon as i'm just about there, the cat jumps up on the bed, lays down by my feet, and starts licking itself...very loudly! So i boot her off the bed. Fricken cat. I eventually nodded off, and all was well in the dueckman household...

I woke up at 3:00 to the sound of licking again... i'm only half awake, and decide that this is only a dream...and i'm not really awake (wishfull thinking). Much to my displeasure as i fade back into consiousness, the licking gets louder. I open my eyes, and 2 feet from my face there is the cat, licking her crotch...only taking a break to look me straight in the eyes as if to say "what are you staring at?" So again i boot her to the floor, and she disapears into the darkness of the corner. Fricken cat.

Then the tossing and turning begins. I can't seem to get comfortable. No matter where i lay, the mattress seems to be jabbing me. I feel hot, and start to sweat, then all of a sudden cold again, then hot. I can't get comfortable. The digital clock on the night stand seems to be taunting me with it's unusally slow movment. So i decide to test it...when the clock hit 3:45, i started counting 1...2...3...4... i reach sixty just as 3:46 jumps onto the display. Blast! it knows what i'm trying to do...i'll have to be more discreet...perhaps i'll close one eye and try again...wait this isn't helping me sleep. None the less i play this game a few more times, along with more tossing and turning and sweating.

At 4:00 julia got up to go have a shower and eat breakfast and get ready to go to the airport. I lay in bed still trying to get comfortable. Finally i find the perfect spot...it's glorious...the bed seems to mold to my body perfectly...i can finally sleep. Julia is in the kitchen, and the light goes on...our bedroom door is open just the tiniest crack. The miniscule amount of light coming through that crack hits me directly in the eyes. Without the energy to speak, and certainly not to get up and close the door, i try to move my blissfull position just slightly. it won't work...i need to be in that exact spot. And so i am trapped in my own prison of uncomfort, and unrest.

finally julia comes in to say goodbye to me for the weekend, i peer through my half open bloodshot eyes to offer my attempt at a goodbye. Whether it made any scense at all is yet to be determined. With the lights now off, I sink into my comfort spot on the bed hoping now to get a couple hours of good sleep.

I nodd off for a couple minutes, and wake up to an awfull noise...it's sounds like it's coming from the cat, but it's a noise i've never heard before...so loud and distraught. Against my better judgment, i manage to get out of bed and stagger to find out what the heck is going on. Did the cat fall down the stairs? is it having a heart attack?, did it drive to the nearest kitchen surplus store, buy a garberator, turn it on, then get stuck in it? These thoughts run through my head as i search for the cause of this awfull noise. I make it to the top of the stairs, only to see a dimly lit cat staring at the door crying louder than i've ever heard. It must have seen julia leave, and wanted to go with her...well i don't blame it. I wouldn't want to be a cat anywhere near a half consious, very angry cat hater either.

I decide to take the high road...after all, my wife loves this cat, and i love my wife...so i didn't strangle it to death. Instead i pick it up and pet it...the crying stops, and the purring begins. Good, finally i can get back to sleep...

I get back to bed, only to find out that my comfort spot has disapeared...but i'm too tired for it to matter. I shut my eyes, but 5 minutes later...there's that dang cat going at it again. And so it continued five minutes on, 5 minutes off for the next 2 hours. I put a pillow over my head, but it does almost nothing to filter out that awful garberator like noise. fricken cat.

At 5:30, i abondon my chances of sleep, and turn the tv on hoping to find a simpsons rerun to drown out the cat. No luck...turns out even with 100 channels of cable...the only thing on is soap operas, and infomertials. So i at least try to find a good infomercial about the knives that can cut through shoes...no luck...only excersise machines, and face creams are on. I opt for one of the face creams, as thinking about excersice makes me want to throw up. I watch the entire thing...i'm not sure if i even blinked. Then watched one of the morning shows from 6-7. Then got up for work.

Worst sleep ever

-chuck out

Finally someone who isn't dumb

2008-06-10T08:29:00.000-07:00

These are not my quotes, however i do agree and like each and every one of them. It points to how far from actual "rights" america (and canada right along with them) have strayed. I had this e-mailed to me, and thought it nessesary to post .

"I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see whathappens...Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door."

"Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game."

"I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, which is whythere are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOULISTENING MARTHA BURKE?"

"I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion. I have the right 'NOT' to be tolerant of others becausethey are different, weird, or tick me off.

When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black that is not racial profiling; it is the Law of Probability."

"I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes,a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter offact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English! My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours."

I think the police should have every right to shoot you if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop' in English, see the above lines.

"I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loansor tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinketstore, or any other business. We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations."

"I don't hate the rich I don't pity the poor.

I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you fromwatching them."

"I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building."

"It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say 'NO!'"

"I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries!"

"I am sick of 'Political Correctness.' I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be 'African-Americans'? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great,great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else."

"It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having 'InGod We Trust' on our money and having 'God' in the Pledge of Allegiance.Why don't we just tell the 14% to BE QUIET!"

- andy rooney

-chuck out

coffee abuse

2008-05-26T11:31:00.000-07:00

You ever been to Tim Hortons (or for my american fans dunkin donuts) and the guy in front of you order a large coffee triple triple? Sometimes i feel like taping the guy on the shoulder and suggesting he get a drink that he actually likes instead of feeling the need to alter coffee so much it doesn't even resemble the intended taste.

Now i will admit that I do put a little cream in my coffee. I can even respect people that get a regular (for my american fans that's one cream one sugar...not black). But come on people...if you don't like coffee without 18 sugar packets in it...perhaps you need to check your life out.

I'll admit that most of us started drinking coffee because we wanted to look mature and older, not because it tasted good. I know I did. But I took it like a man, and choked it down black until i enjoyed the taste. But if you're one of those people that never learned to like coffee the way it was made, but insist on still trying to modify it so you can drink it and look cool...you'd better just stop. I'm not impressed.

If i was going on a coffee run and you were like "hey chuck grab me a double double" I would get you a regular. And you'd be like "hey...this isn't a double double" and i'd be like "oh yeah...i left the extra cream and sugar at the store...right beside where you forgot your manhood."

And don't give me this crap about "but chuck...i actually like it that way!" Because you can kiss this piece of smoked hamm... Either learn to drink coffee the right way...or don't drink it at all!

Get off the TV

2008-05-05T12:59:00.000-07:00

Does anyone actually watch the kentuky derby? I mean it's supposed to be this huge event that only movie stars and superstar athelets can aford tickets to. Apparently it a big deal.

Now don't get me wrong i really don't mind to watch horse racing. It's fine. I think it would be fun to go down to the windsor track and bet on a few races with some buddies. (don't worry mom, i only gamble with monopoly money). But is it absolutly nessisary to have 4 hours of televised pre-race cerimonies? Is anyone watching at home actually awake by the time the race starts? I highly doubt it.

I didn't watch this weekends kentuky derby. But i did see highlights of the race...I think most people did. Big brown won. Who's big brown you ask...well he's a horse...same as the horse who got last place, except faster. You know the one... If you didn't see the highlights, here's why this kentuky derby holds more weight than most. A horse died...no not human, a horse. Everyone calm down...just a horse.

A horse...after crossing the finish line collapsed with two broken ankles. It had to be put down.

Now there is a huge uprising in the "animal rights community". Mainly PETA is getting a whole bunch of media attention, and saying horse racing is really cruel, and they shouldn't be allowed to whip the horses, and running on dirt is too dangerous... and that the sport should be banned altogether. ect ect.

Do you remember when Dale Earnhart died in a nascar race? I do...and although there was some media attention focused on "car racing is dangerous" and "need more safety" ect. No one wanted to ban racing. Now why is a horses life more important than a persons? Why is PETA constantly getting more media attention?

Fricken people eh?

Random thoughts

2008-04-15T12:31:00.000-07:00

A good source of guidance for teenagers is the television, except that televisions message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom, and faith takes a back seat to the need for a toothpaste that gives you whiter teeth.

The metric system didn't really catch on in the states...unless you count the increasing popularity of the 9 millimeter bullet.

I always tell kids... if you want a new bike, don't pray every night for one...God doesn't normally work that way. What you need to do is steal one, and ask for forgivness.

One time I saw a postcard with the picture of the whole earth on it, taken from space. On the back it said "wish you were here" What the heck is that?

You know which guy should be a multi-millionaire? The guy who decided it was a good idea to make a diagram telling you which way to put the batteries in.

You want to confuse a clothing salesman? Tell them your size is extra medium.

I want to make a sign for the front of our store..."Open 24 hours...but not all in a row, we prefer to pace ourselves"

Have you ever noticed that while driving in trafic anyone who is driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone driving faster is a maniac? I've noticed.

In my opinion there are 3 types of people...those that look at things, and ask "why?" Those that dream about things that don't exist, and ask "why not?" And then there are those that actually go to work for a living and don't have time for that crap.

There are lots of things that people say are sports...that are not sports. Swimming is not a sport...it is a means for not drowning. That's just common sence.

The majority of people i meet work just hard enough not to get fired, and get paid just enough not to quit.

One thing doesn't always lead to another...sometimes it leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

You know those people who are so badly mutilated when they die that they can't identify them except for their dental records? My question is, if they don't know who the person is, how do they know which dentist he goes to?

You know the 2 rules of gravity "if you drop a piece of toast it will always land butter side down" and "a cat always lands on their feet" here's an experiment you can try at home, strap a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat and see what happens!

-just some things to think about

-chuck out

inquisitive

2008-04-08T06:47:00.000-07:00

This might be a more serious one, so if you are looking for the usual nonsence and time wasting i normal have on my blog, you might want to skip this one. Or, just look at this picture, and skip the rest.

I've been doing some thinking lately (a dangerous prospect, i know). The problem is, i have more questions than answers. Let me begin with this: A couple of my buddies (probably the only ones who read this blog) have blogs of their own where they write thought proveking things about their current thinking on life, faith ect... I would say that there is nothing wrong with these blogs. I have some of the same thoughts myself. But then where does simple faith come in? If we are so caught up with deep ideas and books about deep and complicated things, is that contrary to the faith that Christ says we are supposed to maintaine as "child-like".

Let me phrase it this way...think of a young child standing at the edge of the pool, looking at his dad, and jumping to him. Child-like faith says a couple really simple things. 1. My dad is in the pool. 2. He says he will catch me when i jump. As far as i can see, those are the only 2 thoughts that cross a childs mind before taking the plunge. A child is not thinking about the best method of jumping to reduce the amount of splash that hit's my dad in the eye, so that he will have a clear view, and make it easier to catch me. He does not think about the depth of the pool, or if the ph is at a safe level. Do you get my point? Is it possible that we as humans hugely overcomplicate things? Could we be way off base by reading all these books, and not focusing our energy on reading the Bible, and talking with God?

Don't get we wrong, I am not saying that God can't speak through other books. I think that you can learn a lot from different peoples perspectives and differnt books. My question is can you not learn the same things from the Bible?

I don't know my point of all this except that recently i'm really being hit with the fact that following Christ is supposed to be simple. Not easy mind you, but simple. It seems to me that throughout the Bible the Isrealittes constantly lose sight of that simplicity. Look at the book of Judges...the basic story is Isrealittes follow God, everything goes pretty good. After some years, they try to add something to God... God + this one idle, or God + trusting in our own power or God + this one sin...then eventually God gets pushed out of the way by whatever it is they are trying to add. God sees it, allows them to be taken over by their enemy's, and they suffer for a little while. Then they cry out to God again, realize their mistake, and God rescuses them. It happens time and time again in judges and throught the Bible.

Now, looking from the outside in, why did God always have to punish them... because they lost their simple reliance upon Him. Time after time. That's a simple answer...then why did they always try to complicate things, and turn from God, if it was so simple to keep that from happening? We look at that story and say "man they were dumb" but doesn't the same thing happen in our lives? That we lose sight of our simple faith, and stray from where God wants us...from where we know we are supposed to be?

All i'm saying is that i think at times I complicate things that are better left alone.

let me know what you think

-chuck

That Card Again!?

2008-03-28T10:02:00.001-07:00

Is it just me, or are there more people in the world who are sick and tired of black people blaming everything on racism? And just about anything that happens that includes both a white, and a black person, the black guy is hard done by. Don't believe me, check this article out... at least the writer has some common sense.

But seriously...if a black guy shoots another black guy...that seems to be okay. As long as both parties are black. But if a T.V show is made without an equal number of blacks and whites... HOLY CRAP! Get out the way...an uprising has started!

Now in my lifetime i have yet to witness a "hate against blacks" crime. I understand that is still does happen especially in the southern states and such...but come on, it seems like more black people hate whites than vice versa.

And what the heck is wrong with Network T.V. it's ok to have a show with only black main characters, but not ok with only whites? Maybe I as a white male should start writing letters. maybe I should start an accociation for white people. We'll write letters and complain to everyone who we think might be "oppressing" us.

What is wrong with people? There should be a new rule. Ask Rob before doing anything stupid. I'd set you straight.

I perhaps i need to appoligize to the black people for saying "black" instead of "african american" in this blog. But then again...maybe you should check your life out!

-Chuck Out

the late great

2008-03-06T11:53:00.000-08:00

I was thinking yesterday about some of the great comedians that i enjoy listening to. Sure, obviously jerry sienfeld is there. I also don't mind dane cook now and then, and even some redneck humour with the blue collar guys is good.

But when i think of some really original, "different" comedy, i think of one name. The late great Mitch Hedberg.

I'd like to share a few of mitch's jokes in my blog today. For those of you who haven't ever heard mitch, let me explain a few things. Mitch does not do a nice flowing comedy show. He only gets on stage and does one-liners, none of which flows to the next. And you have to understand that mitch is almost always baked during his show. His speach is slow and slurred, and he can hardly stand.

Ok here are a few of my favorites from mitch. (they are cleaned up for content as i miantain a pg rating on this blog...until i decide otherwise)

-I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

-An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an
Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

-Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow combine the two to create the ultimate kite-flying experience.

-Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

-I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

-I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

-I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

-I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

-I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.

-I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

-I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

- was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

-I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.

-I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

-I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

-If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.

-It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.

Thanks Mitch

a short story and terrorists

2008-03-03T08:58:00.000-08:00

Ok, today for your reading pleasure, i will tell you a story about a man named...well, let's call him wayne...because after all, that is his real name.

I met wayne a few weeks ago. He came into the shop, and was looking for a bearing. Now the first thing you notice about this guy is that he talks with a very low voice, and mumbles constantly. It's sounds like if you tried to talk with your teeth clenched. So wayne earned himself the nickname "the mumbler".

Now, we all know that i'm not one to jump to conclusions...ahem..but, call me crazy but within 2 minutes of meeting the mumbler, i pegged him to be a trekkie. I actually thought in my head " i bet this guy loves to try to figure out trig functions for the proton ion flux capacitor used in season 3 episode 4"

Anyway, to make a long awsome story short and boring...the mumbler was in on friday, and loves star treck. Has thick books on star trek.

what can i say, I have a gift.

Speaking of racial profiling, here's a question for you.

Your a border guard between canada and the us. A car drives up to your station. The car is being driven by a muslum man, late 30's, wearing the white robe type thing, long beard, heavy accent, and a turban.

Ok, now here's the question:

Do you grill this guy more than a 80 year old white woman?

I will answer that quesion in my next blog.

Various Rants About Things

2008-02-21T05:12:00.000-08:00

In this blog, i will go through a few different things that really bother me. They may not bother you at all, but it's not about you.

Remember a few years ago everyone and their dog wanted their kids to have a tickle me elmo? What was with that? paying hundreads of dollars for a stuffed animal that shakes. Why not just get a regular elmo doll, cut it open, put your cell phone in there set on vibrate, and call it everytime you want it to vibrate.

We as a society are all about short forming things. And normally i agree, why write out television, when you could just put tv. But one short form that's really getting on my nerves is High Def. Please never say "high def". If you must shortform high defenition, pleas just say HD. If ever anyone starts to talk to me about high def...i know instantly that they know nothing of what they are talking about.

Ok, here's another thing/people that really bothers me. PETA. No, i'm not bothered by the accronymn that stands for "People for Ethical Treatment of Animals". The short form is fine, who'd want to say that title more than once. I'm bothered by the members of this group. Their ethical compass is way off. Someone should notify them that their are actually HUMANS who are starving, being tortured, being abused, and killed. Did they not get that memo? Because they are more woried that i'm feeding my dog the cheap dogfood with less protein. And for that i should be thrown in jail. It is sickening to me that they get so much media coverage too. You know how we could cure these people...ok, so cut off every members left hand...then see how much they care about rex's protein level.

Have you ever tried to use a 3-hole punch on like 15 papers at the same time? If you haven't, let me explain to you what happens, because i have vast experiance with such matters. It doesn't work. Then you spend the next 15 minutes trying to get your papers unstuck from the devil machine without ripping the holes. Because we all know that there is nothing worse that a binder with that one paper that just doesn't sit right because some knob ripped the hole. After 15 minutes your papers are still stuck, and you say "to heck with it!" and ripp them all out. They you spend the next 15 minutes using scotch tape to repair the damaged papers. I hate 3- hole punches.

You ever have a progam on your computer freeze? And you have to hit ctrl+alt+delete. Brings up the task manager, and you have to manualy "end task" on that program? Well it happens to me everyday. After stalling your computer for like 5 minutes and it finally shuts down the program. Then a pop-up comes and asks you if you'd like to send this error report. I have a question. Where does this report go? Does anyone actually check these things? Does microsoft really care that my mindsweeper game shut down just as i was going to complete expert!? NO. Then why ask me to send the report?

-chuck out

Just crusing

2008-02-11T05:54:00.000-08:00

I had never been on a cruise before...until last week. Now let me just say that my parents have been on a few, and i've seen all the pictures. I would look at them and think " yeah that's a big boat" but nothing would prepare me for seeing the size of this ship in real life. Our ship was absolutly MASSIVE! To give you a bit of perspective, let me list some of the things that were on our ship:
-3 pools
-5 hot tubs
-countless clubs/bars/lounges all playing different styles of live music.
- all of these clubs have like 2-3 bars in them
- a large casino
- shopping center
- minigolf
-45' climbing wall
- skating rink (with much seating for ice shows)
- a large theater for live productions
- a movie theater
- basketball court
-a masive 3 story dining room (with the staircase like titanic)

Now remember...this is a boat...i couldn't belive it.

I now love cruises! Best vacation i've ever had. But let me start where a good story always starts...at the beginning...

It started last year at julia's gruduation party. I suprised her with a cruise. Well, i tried to suprise her. The fact is that after i had started looking for a cruise...SHE started looking. She would get fairly ticked because i refused to look with her, or even entertain the idea of going on a cruise. (as i had already booked one). We would have the same argument every couple nights for 2 weeks. "Rob, come and look at this cruise i found" "Julia, where are we going to get money for a cruise?" "Rob, just come and look, it's not that expensive." "Why don't we talk about this in a few months...maybe we can save some money for it" "Rob we should look now.." "NO, i'm not lloking now" ect.ect.

So a rough couple of weeks for me to have to keep my secret. Anyway i gave it to her for her graduaton from waterloo. She was happy. I was happy. Everything ran soomthly in the Dueckman household.

We had decided that since we were catching a deathly early flight on saturday, that we would stay overnight in detroit. So on friday after worked we packed the car, headed out...our destination was the howard johnson by the airport. We checked in and went to the room. It was a decent room...not a dump, but not the hilton either...no real big complaints about it. My complaint came at 4:00 in the morning. We woke up, both expecting to shower and head to the airport. Well when we turned on the hot water...it came only freezing cold. So we let it run...and run..and run hopeing that the hot water would eventually come....but after 10 mintues of cold...we couldn't wait anymore. We had to leave for the airport. So we went to the front desk to check out, and i told the guy about our lack of hotwater. He siad "you just need to let it run" I informed him nicely that we had let it run for 10 minutes, and still no heat. He then proceeded to let me know that the reason there was no hot water was because i didn't know how to work it. And that there were no other complaints, so there must not be a problem.

2 things were clear to me at this point:

1. I was talking to a genius. I mean obviously we was smarter than me...after all he knew how to turn on a hot water tap (something i clearly didn't know). And also he had gotten no other complaints...because most people are trying to shower at 4:00 in the morning.

2. I was getting no discount on my room.

So fine we left...i didn't have time to argue with him. And we were off to Florida.

I'll skip ahead to bore you of the details of how cheap spirit airlines is.

Our cruise's first 2 days were at sea. So julia and I kept ourselves very busy with various activities like rock climbing, touring the entire ship, eating too much, and going to a really sweet comidieans/shows in the live theater.
*side note*
These shows were spectacular! Throughout the entire cruise i didn't hear a single wrong note by any of the singer, or musicians. The sound was spectacular, as was the lighting. I'm not suprised because the guy in charge of sound was named "magic". One time a singer came in louder than the sound guy anticipated, and i cuaght a tiny hint of feedback...so slight julia didn't even notice. I glanced back at the soundboard...all of them had their jaws dropped, and couldn't believe was just happened. Needless to say they were on top of things.

We also watched the superbowl in the ice theater. They had tacken the ice out, and there were a bunch of tv's and a big screen in the middle. Where the ice had been they had hotdogs, wings, nachos ect.

*side note*
Best superbowl in a long time! Thankyou Eli for shutting up all the critics back in NY. Also thankyou to all of the cocky New England fans who were wearing "19-0" shirts. You make me laugh. Also thanks to tyree who made the most amazing catch ever.

Our second day was a stop at jamaica. Jamaica felt bitter sweet to me. We had a lot of fun...got to climb up dunn's river falls, which is a pretty sweet thing. A winding waterfall that streches like 2 football finds long. It was cool. We went to a bunch of shops, and walked around the town. The bad part of jamaica was that you couldn't make eye contact with anyone because if you did, you would end up being hounded for 10 mintues about buying some trinket, or going on a taxi tour. I must have said "no-thankyou" over 100 times. Oh, we also saw a cultrual show with fire eating..dancing...that sort of thing. It was pretty alright.

Next day was Grand cayman. I love grandcayman! Everything was really clean and well taken care of. The people were freindly and didn't bagger you for anything. We walked around the town all morning, then we went snorkeling. We went to a shipwreck, and then a reef. There were many colourfull fish. Probably the best snorkeling i've ever done. Grand cayman is awsome. Much better than Jamica.

The next day was another day at sea. We again definetly were not bored. We went skating, sat by the pool, and i entered a speed climbing competition. I suprisinly finished 2nd. I lost to a chinese guy.

*side note*
I was not at all disapointed for losing to a chinese guy! Have you ever seen a jackie chan movie where he's like climbing up buildings and punching and kicking like 50 nijas at a time!? Jackie chan is chinese...need i say more?

All in all this cruise was the best thing ever. If you've never been you need to go! Tommorow!

-chuck out

Smoke Show

2008-01-29T07:07:00.001-08:00

Because I am the low man on the totem pole at work, i get some of the crappy jobs. One of which happens to be sweeping in front of the store. I did so this morning. It's not so much that i don't like sweeping, it's just the annoyance of having to interrupt my multi-million dollar sales to go sweep. Ok, ok multi-hundred dollar sales, but still.

But, the fact that i'm still "the new guy" at work after almost 4 years is not what this blog is about...nor is it about sweeping. It's not about my work at all. I know, you're saying "well chuck, if it's not about your job, then why have you wasted my time so far with all this talk about it."

Well i will respond with this. " Perhaps maybe if you could keep your chubby fingers off the keyboard, and stop interrupting me for 5 seconds maybe you'd learn something. Or maybe if you didn't read so dang slow you'd already be past this part, and on to something more meaningful. And if you want to blame your slow literacy development on someone, you can blame your public school teachers...because they are probably liberal, thus making it their fault And might i also comment on the fact that you didn't even use correct grammar in your interruption. at least put a question mark at the end of your question. jeez.

Moving on to the reason i'm writing, SMOKERS. Now i don't have a problem with most people who smoke, but there are those few who ruin it for the rest... have you ever seen that guy...you know the one i'm talking about. He's anywhere from 35-60, and you can tell by the way he's sucking on that death stick that he's still riding the fact that smoking was cool in highschool. This guy actually believes that people are watching him smoke and thinking (man that guy is tough). He's the type of guy who, if you went up and talked to him while he's smoking...he'll leave the cigarette in the corner of his lips while he talks. It will just hang there, almost falling out, but it never does. And he knows you notice...he doesn't say anything, but he knows.

The thing that annoys me most about this type of smoker is they don't care where their cigarette butt lands, as long as they do the "cool" flick thing when they discard it. You know the flick...hold your hand out palm up. now touch your middle finger nail to your thumb, then flick. You've seen it before. You know the flick. But if these smokers really want to put out the vibes, they turn their palm down and execute the same maneuver...but this time with just the slightest wrist movement along with the flick. But to really put them over the top...look the other way while you flick as if you don't even notice that your doing it.

Now at our store, we have a cigarette but dispenser sitting right by the door so as to eliminate all the gross looking cigarette butts right outside the door. I get annoyed because while i'm sweeping the front of the store, i continually notice 5-7 cigarette butts withing 4 feet of the dispenser. Now i'm not quite sure on the problem here...is a cigarette dispenser not cool enough? are there that many people executing the " no look flick"? Are these smokers too winded from getting out of their vehicle to walk the 4 feet? I'm really not sure.

This is chuck saying if you must smoke, make it a big fat stogie.

-chuck out